My head suddenly filled with images of recent days I’d rather forget.
I just realized that the previous week was one of the worst weeks of my life. I can’t say that it was filled to the brim with illness, heartache and disappointment, although it certainly had its share. But isn’t that a usual happenstance in my life? There were things I should not have thought, that I should not have said and should not have done. I swore to myself seventeen years ago that I will not be that person anymore. However I avoid, I am always freshly adding things I want to erase from memory. Well, that’s why they’re called mistakes. And I am sorry.
I uttered words I
haven’t said aloud in a very long time. I felt so betrayed. Once again, my
long-term sacrifices have been taken for granted. I feel so alone. Sometimes
it’s the people we encounter on a regular basis, bound to us by blood or not, who
make us question if we really are valued at all.
My only consolation for
the week was a few close friends remembering to greet me for something I myself
have already taken for granted. Maybe that’s why all of these came about.
Because I’m sad to be seventeen “without progress”. And maybe that’s why there
are things I will never have. That’s a blunt way of saying it. It’s been a
tough ride but I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad I push myself sometimes. In spite of
everything, I am grateful. I should be. Thank You.
I still aspire for a
share of that great beyond. Simple maybe, but it won’t be easy.
Someday, it will all
happen in one flash.