Kind Of...

:-(

TIME OF YOUR LIFE (GOOD RIDDANCE) by Green Day

Short and simple 90s song, but good. I can’t feel the sarcastic farewell of the “Good Riddance” part of the title, though. I prefer only the “Time Of Your Life”. But that’s just my opinion.

“…So make the best of this test and don't ask why,

It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right…”

“TIME OF YOUR LIFE (GOOD RIDDANCE)” by Green Day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

So make the best of this test and don't ask why

It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable,

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind

Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time

Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable,

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable,

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable,

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

LET THIS BE THE LAST...

I’m really beginning to dislike December now.

Seven years. This thing I’ve felt for seven years now for one woman has brought me a great deal of pain and sadness. All the melodramatic BULLSHIT here will not even affect her in any way. The feeling was never reciprocated; I was an unwanted "suitor". Over and over, I’ve despised myself for it. Only lingering false hopes ensued. Maybe it’s time to finally kill the feeling. Its death is long overdue, anyway. I’ve been an idiot for so long!

I was indecisive at first, but I’m glad I went to see you all. It was a happy night. It only didn’t end well for me (as usual).

My desire to post something like “Whatever happened to subtlety?” is laughable. Because I myself know I lack it. SCREW SUBTLETY! Nobody reads this blog anyway!!

I’m quite sure this is verbatim; but for the sake of argument, I will say that ‘it went something like:’

“Happy birthday… kung bibigyan kita ng regalo ngayon, tatanggapin mo ba? Ang tagal na rin kasi nito, eh.”

“Siyempre hindi!! Sa ‘yo na lang yan!!” – If you would only be able to hear that, there was no hesitation on the answer; and the intonation… it was like there was a sarcastic response template ready for any possible question. That was the last straw. I realized that it takes one tactless and indifferent person to offend another fellow tactless and indifferent person. And I don’t feel like I’m lying when I say this mockery. That’s how fierce you were to me. I don’t know where all that animosity I felt from you was coming from. Pardon me if I fell for you. I’m so stupid! I can't help but sense that you've changed. I MISS YOUR FORMER SELF. SHE WAS HUMBLER.

I did what you implied, by the way. I ate the chocolates I intended to give you. Remorsefully. HAHAHA!!! Bittersweet! (Pun intended.) I’m giving away the notepad which I thought was pretty enough for you. It would be a shame if I put it to waste. And nevermind the engraved name, at least now I have a (“new”) Parker pen with matching original refill. Almost two years "on the shelf", and it still writes smoothly! Hehehe… Relish the small things.

It’s so hard to get through to you, you know that?! I try to talk to you but for some reason the conversation is always cut short. Sometimes you don’t even look at me straight in the eye. But how can you? What would someone like you want to do with a fat, old slob like me? Who has already told you how he feels about you? Do I really disgust you that much?! Well, maybe. I almost forgot why I rarely look in the mirror anymore.

I let my best friend hear what I wanted to say to you, because let’s face it – we all know that I can never catch you alone. And even if I could, you will still find a way to escape the “head-on collision”.

I know there’s a certain element of “destiny” in our Faith when it comes to these matters, but one has got to start somewhere. We can’t just expect “everything to fall into place all by themselves”; one also needs to do something as a first step. I’m sorry if I felt a glimmer of hope in you. It was my mistake. I failed again. As small a matter as it may seem, you hurt me again. For the Nth time. BUT there is some consolation in the fact that I tried. At least for the final time. I will never bother you anymore.

I always considered you to be a cleaner, more righteous individual than me; not only because it’s doctrine, but also because it’s the truth. Seriously speaking, I really hope you’re happier now. Well, you must be. It shows. You’re now more beautiful than I ever saw you were before. I hope it hasn’t gotten into your head. I hope it never does. It’s just that… I felt you became more cynical, overall. LIKE A REAL BITCH! I hope I’m wrong.

My self-imposed deadline is coming up. (SO WHAT?! WHO CARES, REALLY?!) Hopefully as soon as it passes, perhaps you will finally have your peace as I drift further away.

I just want to make it clear that my deadline was never a reason for my attempts to get close to you again. It was an advice from a friend, who told me to give a (sort of) “cut-off” when to stop looking for signs. I have to save me from the suffering at some point, to be fair to myself. It was said that it would be psychologically beneficial for me. In this facet of life, no one can literally wait forever. The issue is not really the “time” aspect, but the “is-there-something-here-for-us” kind of thing. I guess that part where we have a one-on-one, face-to-face “closure” talk will never happen. SCREW CLOSURE! I’m letting it end!! I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHY I’M SO ANGRY….

It may sound unbelievable, but I was never in a hurry… I just wanted affirmation. I was still willing to wait for you if you gave me a hint that I had a fighting chance. But it always seemed you didn't want to talk to me. You don't even want us to be friends on social media because you said it's "uncomfortable". So be it. I don’t want to further waste my remaining time on earth on something that will never be. I’m tired of looking forward to nothing. Whenever I start to make a move, you stop me on my tracks. None of that matters now.

From what I see, I think God is protecting you from me. You are the more esteemed one, after all. People will always see you right. And I will always be the antagonist in everybody’s eyes. I have partially come to accept that. That’s how I feel about this whole thing right now. And maybe that’s what’s true. Good for you!

I want to stay positive but I feel like I regret everything. I want to forgive you... well, I guess I do. Who am I not to? Eventually all fingers will point back at me. No one cares; I feel so helpless. What can I do about it, anyway?! I want to say that I will still be here IF in case you need anything. I hope this feeling of loss will not push me to hate you.

I want everything to subside... the love I felt, this anger and the need to feel.

"WHEN LOVE AND HATE COLLIDE" by Def Leppard

In the laws of physics, it is said that two equal opposite forces cancel out each other. I’ve been agitated and irritable since the wee hours of this morning. Today I love you but I also hate you at the same time. I therefore have, and I am, a zero. HAHAHA!!!

(I DO NOT OWN THE VIDEO)

You could have a change of heart
If you would only change your mind
Instead of slammin' down the phone, girl
For the hundredth time

I got your number on my wall
But I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand, baby
United we fall

Got the time, got a chance, gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know, I can't fight this way

You could have a change of heart
If you would only change your mind
'Cause I'm crazy 'bout you, baby 
Time after time

Without you... one night alone
Is like a year without you, baby
Do you have a heart of stone?
Without you... can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more
I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other, baby
Like an act of war

I could tell a million lies
And it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger
Hits you right between the eyes

There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know, got to win this time

Without you... one night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone?
Without you... can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide


You could have a change of heart
If you would only change your mind
'Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby,
Crazy, crazy!

Without you... one night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone?

Without you... one night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all...
Without you... can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide.

'HAPPY TIED' (Tagalog Version) by UCHUSENTAI:NOIZ

Japanese bands have the tendency to insert English lyrics in their songs; well at least that’s what my favorite Japanese bands do – X Japan, L’Arc~En~Ciel and now Uchusentai:Noiz. “Visual Kei” bands, those groups who dress up like CosPlayers when they perform, are always like that. I guess the mentality “We are all global citizens” is firmly set in their music industry. And believe it or not, these artists have a substantial fan base outside Japan: like Thailand, Hong Kong or Indonesia, even London and New York.

The lyrics of this song are 90% Tagalog (well it’s a “Tagalog” version, after all). But as a Filipino, the fact that they even considered having this version, makes me feel appreciated. The song sounds so silly that it makes sense. Ang kulit! Hehehe… In fairness, the lead guitarist is good.

I want nothing but good vibes these coming days. :-) 

FOREVER LOVE - X JAPAN (歌詞+対訳) "Romanized" Lyrics...

Yoshiki, you're an absolute genius. Brilliant! And Toshi, too. Beautiful as always!!

'TINATANGI'

Mama and Papa - Dec. 24, 1972 & a recent December...

I admire couples who’ve withstood the test of time, still staying strong after all these years. My parents are nearing their togetherness of four-and-a-half decades.

My father and I share the same preference when it comes to choosing life partners. We both have a high regard for women who are stronger than ourselves. He married his love 44 years ago and is happy being with her, while I am still aspiring. Pathetic me. I gotta give credit to my papa; although there was a time he was very “heavy-handed”, I never saw him hurt mama, not even once in my thirty-nine years of existence. I think that’s a strong reminder I will always owe him: to never hit a woman. I never have, and I hope I never will.

I remember when I got involved in an accident three years ago; a tricycle knocked me out momentarily, fractured my leg and busted my head. It was an inattentive, stupid crossing of a street. A sudden flash of red then the next thing I knew I was already sitting in the middle of the road.... gushing. I lost quite a considerable amount of blood: a glass full of or a pint maybe, in my estimate. I got two stitches at the back of my scalp for that. Now a part of my crown has a certain numbness and loss of sensation. Another reminder that life is temporal and we should be Thankful even for the things we take for granted. Everybody was asleep when I arrived home; my sister and two close friends fetched me from the hospital. I didn’t know it was possible that the whirling, spinning feeling inside my consciousness could be experienced even with the eyes closed. I thought I was going to vomit on myself at the first night. But somehow I managed to sleep. When I woke up, papa sat on my bed, held my bloody shirt, and cried. Mama simply said, “That’s life. It’s a good thing it didn’t ‘hurt’ you much.” I knew then that my mother was indeed stronger, in a lot of ways, than my father. It also crossed my mind that maybe she was trying to “balance off” what feebleness papa might have displayed at the time.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MAMA AND PAPA. I LOVE YOU.

While I believe that it is best to make a Cause – the Workings of Faith a priority in life, and not a person, I still long for someone. Maybe I’m just sad. And lonely.

I rarely get to like folk music.
...

<3