My current Last Song Syndrome. If I were not "where" I am now for the past (almost) 19 years of my life, I would have met the same fate a long time ago. Thank God for that. "One More Light" is track number 9 (out of 10) of an album of the same title. It is Linkin Park's final album with Chester Bennington (2017). Indeed, this was Chester's swan song. He really was saying goodbye. It's senseless and tragic.
Last weekend,
my parents sat down with me for a “small” conversation. I don’t think it was
planned.
We eventually
discussed family secrets, from both sides, maternal and paternal. I knew my two
younger siblings were also listening although passively only, because I know
they don’t want to be burdened with the thought of different problematic matters
again. They just pretended to watch TV.
It wasn’t that
long, but it had substance.
While Mama had
less serious issues on her side of the family, Papa was downright stern with
his concerns as always. When one talks about properties (in our case, farmlands
and residential lots), devious people “forget” that they’re cheating their own
kin. A lawyer in the family manipulated and deceived us for a long time (WE ARE
NOT THE ONLY VICTIMS). He even forced my dying grandmother, whom I love so
much, to sign a document she was too weak to read and think about. We have
proof of this. I remember seeing that legal paper myself in the past. Mommy’s
handwriting was very shaky and obviously coerced. But he too is already
deceased, so why bother? I will not go about the technicalities because I am
not a law practitioner. I suppose now that most “attorneys” are actually just assholes.
It may be an understatement if I say that more than half of them are all crooked.
The real atrocious ones are either criminal defenders or land grabbers. Too bad
for us, we had one of the two. The loopholes of our weak justice system are
continuously being taken advantage of. However we think of outsmarting those
scheming bastards, they will always find a way to go around the law anyway.
No matter how
one might think that stories can be altered to be self-serving, I believe my
parents are telling the truth. I felt humility in their voices. That kind of tone is very
rare for us, in our household. I grew a little more sympathetic to them. What
they revealed justified the way some of our relatives act around us, and how we
are constantly being treated. To the extent of my knowledge, we are one of the
poorest, if not THE poorest family in our patriarchy. But Papa has at least two
more biological half-brothers we are
not in contact with, so I wouldn’t know for sure. Nevertheless, some things
finally made sense to me.
While a few
have been instrumental in assisting us throughout the decades, some are
responsible for our prolonged hardships, even up to now. In the vernacular, “Sila na nga ang nang-api, sila pa ang galit
dahil sa nangyari. Sila na nga ang nagkulang, sila pa ang walang ganang
tumulong.” (“They were the aggrieving party, and yet they are the ones angry
about the situation. They committed the shortcomings, and yet they have no
interest in helping.”) Papa has always merely claimed his birthright. There
was once a time when some were able to merit our support when they needed it
the most. I know that for a fact; because if there are such things as
“fair-weather friends”, a relevant term can also be given to kin who only show
their faces when they need something. I guess we can’t expect much from
reciprocity these days.
The dialogue
has damaged my perception of people whom I’ve grown to love and respect all my
life. But I do not plan to get even, someday or ever. I would not want to. Thank
God I still believe in Divine justice. It’s only hard for me to accept that the
harshest enemies can come from within the same bloodline. Maybe that’s why some
clans have extreme family feuds:
killing each other for inheritance of their lands. Because they think lands are
the most valuable of possessions in this world.
Mama said, “Sinasabi na namin sa inyo ito ngayon para
alam niyo ang totoo at kung ano ang gagawin kapag wala na kami.” (“We are telling you this now so you know the
truth and what to do when the time comes we're already gone.”)— That
statement alone really made me unhappy.
I was infuriated
at first, then I later mellowed down.
I want to believe
that we can all change for the better in our own time. I hope someday there can
be a sincere agreement between us. Some of
the offending, accountable persons have already departed anyway. Sometimes in life, factions are created out of
blind allegiances, and not upright principle.
Family IS
family. But this is the world we live in now.
It was a sad
weekend. This has been a sad week. L
"SECRETS" by OneRepublic I need another story Something to get off my chest My life gets kinda boring Need something that I can confess 'Til all my sleeves are stained red From all the truth that I've said Come by it honestly I swear Thought you saw me wink, no I've been on the brink, so Tell me what you want to hear Something that will light those ears I'm sick of all the insincere So I'm gonna give all my secrets away This time, don't need another perfect line Don't care if critics ever jump in line I'm gonna give all my secrets away My God, amazing how we got this far It's like we're chasing all those stars Who's driving shiny, big black cars And everyday I see the news All the problems that we could solve And when a situation rises Just write it into an album Send it straight to gold I don't really like my flow, no, so Tell me what you want to hear Something that will light those ears I'm sick of all the insincere So I'm gonna give all my secrets away This time, don't need another perfect line Don't care if critics ever jump in line I'm gonna give all my secrets away Oh... got no reason, got no shame Got no family I can blame Just don't let me disappear I'm-a tell you everythin' So tell me what you want to hear Something that will light those ears I'm sick of all the insincere So I'm gonna give all my secrets away This time, don't need another perfect line Don't care if critics ever jump in line I'm gonna give all my secrets away So tell me what you want to hear Something that will light those ears I'm sick of all the insincere So I'm gonna give all my secrets away This time, don't need another perfect line Don't care if critics ever jump in line I'm gonna give all my secrets away All my secrets away... All my secrets away.
Last Song Syndrome. I chose the lyric video because the official music video is too obscene for mainstream social media, and even here in my blogsite, maybe. I think this song is actually very dark and sad.
Classic OPM
Rock. Is it just me or is the drummer’s beat quite off? Walang kupas talaga ang
boses ni Jett Pangan! I miss Francis Brew’s (Francis Reyes’) own programs when
he was still a DJ for NU. But nevertheless, this “Bus” concept is so awesome!
“Sa edad niyang yun, ‘mataas pa rin ang
standard’ niya, tatanda siyang mag-isa.”
___
“In other related
news” (hehehe), I remember a colleague/potential love interest (at that time) J tried to convince me to
court her close friend: “She’s single and
nice. At bagay kayo!”
People around
me might have thought that I always chose the wrong woman for myself. So they
did the choosing for me, by themselves. They convinced her to add me on social
media; they told me to accept. I did so, although only out of courtesy.
She really was nice,
and considerably pretty too. My coworkers always made it a point to comment on us/make
it an issue whenever we bumped into each other at our head office. She almost
was a third “alternative” (well,
maybe a fourth). We have a couple of things in common, but I feel nothing for her. The ‘I-am-getting-older-and-we-are-both-single’ excuse will not
suffice. There is so much more to love and having a relationship than just that. Some people don't understand. They questioned me and were so disappointed, and then the whole matter died
down. Sorry guys, I won’t do everything just because you say so.
“Maganda naman siya, ah. Ano pa ba ang problema
mo? Ang tanda-tanda mo na, ang choosy-choosy mo pa!!!” --HAHAHA!!!
One of my all-time favorite tunes... A Last Song Syndrome recurring in my head for 2 days now. I could have sworn I saw an Official Music Video about a decade ago. What happened?
"INNOCENT" by Our Lady Peace
Oh, Johnny wishes he was famous Spends his time alone in the basement With Lennon and Cobain and A guitar and stereo And while he wishes he could escape this But it all seems so contagious Not to be yourself and faceless In a song that has no soul I remember feeling low I remember losing hope And I remember all the feelings And the day stopped We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are Oh, Tina’s losing faith in what she knows Hates her music, hates all of her clothes Thinks of surgery and a new nose Every calorie is a war And while she wishes she was a dancer And that she's never heard of cancer She wishes God would give her some answers And make her feel beautiful I remember feeling low I remember losing hope And I remember all the feelings And the day they stopped We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are One day, you'll have to let it go You'll have to let it go, no One day, you'll stand up on your own You'll stand up on your own, yeah Remember losing hope Remember feeling low Remember all the feelings And the day they stopped We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are We are, we are all innocent (One day, you'll have to let it go) We are all innocent (You'll have to let it go) We are, we are (No) We are, we are all innocent (One day, you'll stand up on your own) We are all innocent (You'll stand up on your own) We are, we are We are, we are all innocent
