There’s
a place in Japan called Aokigahara; it’s a picturesque forest at the foot of
Mount Fuji with an eerie reputation. While it is a tourist destination (Mount
Fuji being a World Heritage Site), it’s where many desperate people from Tokyo,
and from other parts of Japan, come to die. It has been nicknamed “the suicide
forest”.
I
was able to watch a documentary about it recently, the film itself having
depressing undertones, which made me feel very heavy-hearted inside. The
delivery of the topic is very serious, supported by psychology and statistics, with
a small pinch of satiric humor involving the interview of an actual survivor
recollecting his failed attempts (which is quite inappropriate, in my opinion).
The writer and/or director may have intentionally inserted it to break the
burdensome mood of the documentary.
At
the time it was produced (I’m guessing around 2012), Japan’s suicide rate was
30,000 deaths in 17 years, or so that’s the ratio I remember hearing. It’s a
very alarming number; twice that of the US and three times that of UK
statistics, as what the film also reports. The fast-paced lifestyle of these developed
countries may have had a hand in the death of these people. One contributing
factor in Japan is their custom of playing it cool with their problems, not really
showing or talking about them, because there are other more important things
than one’s own difficulties; like saying “I can handle it”, even though the
breaking point is already here. Have you ever noticed why Japanese “party
hard”? It’s because they work harder, and the pressures of being pioneers in
technology and forerunners of innovation are catching up on their personal
lives. Another factor appears to be their underground acceptance of the “honorable
death” sub-culture, practiced by defeated Samurai
warriors in feudal Japan and the Hara-kiri
pilots of World War II. Their principle of “death due to disgrace” or “death
before surrender” suicide is, in itself, a very twisted “hero” devotion to a worthless
cause of conflict. The worst factor adding fuel to the fire is a book written
by an idiot author with a title that literally translates, “The Complete Suicide Manual”, which is one the most despicable books ever
made. It contains explicit diagrams to assist the readers in their efforts,
if they decide to push for a voluntary death. It has direct correlation to a TV
series ending in tragedy, which depicts Aokigahara as “a beautiful place to
die”. I personally believe the book
deserves mass burning of all printed material and the crashing of any website
that features it in detail.
One
ironic thing about the Aokigahara suicides is that some victims choose to die
at places near the forest park pathways, so their bodies could easily be found
and prepared with proper burials when their family members claim them. They decided
to die alone, but wanted everybody to see what agony they’ve gone through
afterward. It’s always very traumatic on the part of any family and it
certainly has shocking consequences to unsuspecting tourists taking a hike. A
number, however, choose to get lost inside the dense forest where they execute
themselves; a survivor symbolically described it as “returning to nature”. Some
cadavers have undergone the process of decomposition before being discovered;
only leaving bone fragments and a few belongings or articles of clothing behind.
These unidentified dead who have decomposed beyond recognition are later
cremated and their ashes placed in urns to rest in makeshift ‘temples’. The
monk even said that they’re “running out
of space”.
There
are recurrent cases where a continuous roll of string is tied to successive
trees deep into the woods, to guide would-be suicides all the way back to a
certain marked location, if they ever change their mind. The mere sight of the
entangled string being blown by the wind makes one wonder, what frightening
thoughts could have been in the mind of the deceased. Concerned nearby residents
always clean the trails and alert authorities in the event they do find human
remains. They make it a point to scour and remove personal effects of the
corpses so passersby are not reminded of the tragedies that occurred in the
area. They try to avoid having items being left behind in conspicuous places, to
prevent visitors taking notice and making them conversation topics. A
non-governmental organization has placed several signs at the forest entry
addressing to would-be suicides to call a hotline before carrying out their
plans. Local authorities, on the other hand, have fought that the signs be
removed (and have succeeded in some cases), because they scare away tourists and
give the place a bad name. The remaining signs still save lives though, as
claimed by the NGO. Psychiatrists say there are many influences that trigger
such desperate behavior: job losses, love or marriage failures, low self-esteem
/ humiliation and fatal illnesses all comprise of the reasons. But determining
if the cause is economic, emotional, psychological, physical or otherwise can
be rendered pointless at the time after the suicide. Monitoring and guiding
persons who have displayed such tendencies and giving them hope remain to be a
primary act of prevention.
I
never imagined I would be some sort of an advocate against this. I am very ashamed to admit that I myself
have premeditated on taking my own life when I was just a teenager, a high school
junior student, when the idea hit me. My family and our livelihood were in
turmoil back then. Being that immature, I guess the petty root was pride. We lived in one of the premier residential
villages of the region, but we had nothing to eat. I didn’t even have the money
to buy the drowsy prescription drug I intended to take an overdose of. To me, I
was deprived of many things – material things that my neighbors and fellow
classmates seemed to have easy access to. I knew then that we lived on “opposite”
sides of a green field (them being at the center of the pasture and me being at
the edge, near the fence), in different worlds almost, despite our daily
encounters. I had difficulty even in the intangible aspects: social skills,
mainstream behavior and confidence. I sometimes had either too little
(wallowing in self-pity) or too much (displaying sarcastic arrogance). It was a
struggle; I think I had some sort of personality disorder. I made fun of myself
because it was the only way I thought of going about it. I hid under the guise
of laughter when I was weeping inside. I was accident-prone: when I was
younger, I once fell from our attic and went unconscious for hours (I lived
with a blackeye for weeks); there was a time when my face got second degree
burns from a stupid “experiment” (a quarter of my face was bandaged for days); I
unintentionally scratched 2 layers of skin across my arm just because I was
stubborn; I have permanent scars at the bridge of my nose and at the back of my
left hand because of my clumsiness; I fell out of a jeepney speeding up. In the
aftermath of all these, I experienced not only pain, loss of blood and disfigurement.
I suffered ridicule and humiliation. I occasionally got bullied in school. For
a very long time, I thought I was different in a way that was embarrassing. I
grew up a troubled individual, having a callous demeanor. I felt my life spiral
further during our financial downturn. It’s a relief my father had already sold
his handgun at that time. I even stole spare bullets from the coat inside his
closet, where I once saw him keep the revolver.
When
it came to our possessions, virtually everything was for sale. Day after day,
quarrels, threats, physical abuse and resentment were the norm in our house,
which was itself for sale. I had no one to relate to. I had no friend who had
the same predicament or at least went through a similar setback. We were an
isolated “loud” family who at one point appeared to be an object of envy to
some. I tried taking prohibited drugs. Luckily, my body violently rejected the
substances when I first sampled them. I got scared like a little boy. I never
would have known how I could have maintained resources to purchase them anyway.
I settled on being angry at everybody rather than being melancholic, because it
seemed to be a “stronger” choice. I hated God for a while, and stopped
“believing” in Him. But deep down, I knew He was still there. I guess you can
say I called a truce with Him several years later. Considering the obstacles, it’s
a miracle that I actually graduated from the high school I went to. My family
never really recovered from the ordeal, both monetarily and psychologically.
I
am presently in what others would call a 4-year depression. One even called it
my mid-life crisis. Practically speaking, the whole current scenario (which is
made up of different facets of my life) isn’t actually a very serious problem.
I would have treated it differently if I am not where I am right now. I
know I am partly to blame, if anything is ever really lacking in my life. We
are answerable for our mistakes, but we opt on being survivors. Fortunately,
I have never considered suicide again and I pray I never will. Four years can
be a significant amount of time, but whatever dilemma I may have continued to
encounter, I learned to live with it. I am very grateful for that.
NO
DYSFUNCTION, NO FINANCIAL CRISIS, NO FAILURE OR LOSS CAN EVER BE ENOUGH TO MAKE
TAKING YOUR OWN LIFE AN OPTION AS A WAY OUT.
Our
lives are not really ours. Life was given as a gift from The Creator, He who
has the only right to give and take it. I believe that there is a hell, and it
is a destination for eternal damnation to those who never let God make a
difference in their lives. That includes suicide. You’ll have no opportunity to
turn back, no chance to make it right. Physical death is irreversible, let
nature or fate be the harbingers. TRY TELLING THIS TO YOURSELF: “I MUST NOT BE SELFISH. IT’S NOT ALWAYS
ABOUT ME.” By the time I realized this in my life, I felt sorry; not for
myself, but for every heartache I have caused and will continue to cause if I carried
out what I had in mind. I was miserable because I was egocentric and reckless. At the very least, think of your loved
ones. No matter how alone you think you might be, there will always be those
who care about you -- the people who will mourn for the rest of their lives
because of your tragic passing. They will always be mentally disturbed because
of your death. That’s a permanent scar that can take a lifetime to accept, if
ever heal at all. My father had a friend who wasn’t really that close to him
who appeared to have taken his own life when he died. The possibility of foul
play was not ruled out; he was hung in a perverse manner. He had a lot of
problems in life, and apparently he had many enemies as well. But even then, when
we heard the news it felt so surreal, in a gruesome way, causing goosebumps all
over. The thought of it was really horrific.
Think
twice, think twenty thousand times more. It’s just not worth it. CHOOSE TO LIVE.
ENDURE. We will have to meet our end later eventually, whether we like it or
not.
I
thank God that I am a member of a Church worth attending; I have friends who
are Brothers and Sisters in the real sense; and we have Preachers who stand for
Truth and Compassion. If you feel desperate and hopeless, we are here. I don’t
want to sound too preachy because it doesn’t fit me. I have made many mistakes
in life, and as a human being I continue to do so. I sometimes feel too
hypocritical about myself. But nevertheless, I highly recommend the following
link and website (which is a far better read):
…and
this song, with a meaningful and emotional music video. I made a shameful
confession in this write-up, but if it inspires anyone at all to choose
life over an unfavorable death, I hope I’ve caused a positive impact in
some way.
HOLD ON
(IF YOU FEEL LIKE LETTING GO) by Good Charlotte
(With excerpt interviews of loved ones)
“He was 17 years old… He was our friend,
He was our little baby, even though he was 17
years old.”
“When she died, she was only 15.”
“Her name was Erin, and she was, uh, 19.”
“He couldn’t live with what he had done so he
took his own life…
And worse I ever hear still, that they were
with us.”
“…‘cause I know what it’s like to be a
survivor,
I know what it’s like… to be left behind.”
This
world, this world is cold
But you
don't, you don't have to go
You're
feeling sad, you're feeling lonely
And no
one seems to care
Your
mother's gone and your father hits you
This
pain you cannot bear
But we
all bleed the same way as you do
And we
all have the same things to go through
Hold
on, if you feel like letting go
Hold
on, it gets better than you know
Your days,
you say they're way too long
And
your nights, you can't sleep at all
Hold on
And
you're not sure what you're waiting for
But you
don't want to know more
And
you're not sure what you're looking for
But you
don't want to know more
But we
all bleed the same way as you do
And we
all have the same things to go through
Hold
on, if you feel like letting go
Hold
on, it gets better than you know
Don't
stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't
stop searching, it's not over
Hold on
“He committed suicide, he… he shot himself in
the head.”
“I lost my boyfriend to suicide, he was 26
years old.”
“I, I don’t think I would have ever seen it
coming.”
“I think I know that he’s listening, and IF
he is…
I just want him to know I love him.”
“It’s not the right order of things;
you’re not supposed to bury your children,
they’re supposed to bury you.”
“The last thing he said to me was, ‘Have a
fun time with grandma, mom,
and I’ll see you on Monday’; and I’ll be
waiting for Monday the rest of my life.”
What
are you looking for?
What
are you waiting for?
Do you
know what you're doing to me?
Go
ahead, what are you waiting for?
Hold
on, if you feel like letting go
Hold
on, it gets better than you know
Don't
stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't
stop searching, it's not over
Hold
on, if you feel like letting go
Hold
on, it gets better than you know
Hold on…
“I always wonder what I would be like if my
father were still alive.”
“Hang on ‘cause… everybody goes through it.”
“I’ve tried to hurt myself but I’m… I’m glad
I’m still here.”
"There’s always a way out, ALWAYS.
I can’t imagine not being here now.”
“It’s okay to get help… you’re gonna miss out
on so much.”
