SEVENTEEN

It all happened in one flash.
My head suddenly filled with images of recent days I’d rather forget.

I just realized that the previous week was one of the worst weeks of my life. I can’t say that it was filled to the brim with illness, heartache and disappointment, although it certainly had its share. But isn’t that a usual happenstance in my life? There were things I should not have thought, that I should not have said and should not have done. I swore to myself seventeen years ago that I will not be that person anymore. However I avoid, I am always freshly adding things I want to erase from memory. Well, that’s why they’re called mistakes. And I am sorry.

I uttered words I haven’t said aloud in a very long time. I felt so betrayed. Once again, my long-term sacrifices have been taken for granted. I feel so alone. Sometimes it’s the people we encounter on a regular basis, bound to us by blood or not, who make us question if we really are valued at all.

My only consolation for the week was a few close friends remembering to greet me for something I myself have already taken for granted. Maybe that’s why all of these came about. Because I’m sad to be seventeen “without progress”. And maybe that’s why there are things I will never have. That’s a blunt way of saying it. It’s been a tough ride but I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad I push myself sometimes. In spite of everything, I am grateful. I should be. Thank You.

I still aspire for a share of that great beyond. Simple maybe, but it won’t be easy.

Someday, it will all happen in one flash.

Lifehouse - Take me away(acoustic version)

TAKE ME AWAY (acoustic) by Lifehouse

This time
All I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
This time
You burn me with your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away

I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away


I try to make my way to you
But still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do

I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

Don't give up on me yet
Don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
But don't let me stay here alone


This time
All I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place

I've seen enough
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away...

Queen - These Are The Days Of Our Lives (Official Video)

When I was young, naïve and judgmental, I hated lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders. But when I heard this song and other songs by Queen, I suddenly thought that “Freddie Mercury might be bisexual, but he’s cool. He rocks. He is one of the many icons who 'taught' us not to discriminate.” – Only proves to show that whatever opinion others may have for people who seem “different” in their eyes, it’s not their nature but what they do with it that matters. And criticisms don’t really affect the genius of their work.

I think Freddie is bubbly in this video. That’s just his natural character. He’s a real entertainer.

_______

“THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES” by Queen

Sometimes I get the feeling

I was back in the old days, long ago
When we were kids, when we were young
Things seemed so perfect, you know

The days were endless
We were crazy, we were young
The sun was always shining
We just lived for fun

Sometimes it seems like lately,

I just don’t know
The rest of my life’s been...
Just a show

Those were the days of our lives

The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but
One thing is true
When I look, and I find
I still love you

You can’t turn back the clock
You can’t turn back the tide
Ain’t that a shame?
Mmm, I’d like to go back one time
On a roller coaster ride...
When life’s just a game

No use in sitting and thinking on what you did
When you can lay back
And enjoy it through your kids

Sometimes it seems like lately,
I just don’t know
Better sit back and go
With the flow

These are the days of our lives
That flowed in the swiftness of time
These days are all gone now but
Some things remain
When I look, and I find
No change

Those were the days of our lives, yeah

The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but
One thing's still true
When I look, and I find
I still love you....

I still love you.

ALL I WANT

'ALL I WANT' by Toad The Wet Sprocket

Nothing's so loud
As hearing when we lie
The truth is not kind
And you've said neither am I
And the air outside so soft is saying everything...
Everything

All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say


Nothing's so cold
As closing the heart when all we need
Is to free the soul
But we wouldn't be that brave I know
And the air outside so soft, confessing everything...
Everything

All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say

And it won't matter now
Whatever happens will be
Though the air speaks of all we'll never be
It won't trouble me


All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say

And it feels so close
(All I want is to feel this way)
Let it take me in
(To be this close, to feel the same)
Let it hold me so
(All I want is to feel this way)
I can feel it say
(The evening speaks, I feel it say...)

"So Close"- Daryl Hall, Jason Mraz

This song made me sad when I first heard it way back in high school. Still makes me sad today. Hall & Oates songs are superb classics.

_______

“SO CLOSE” as performed live by Daryl Hall & Jason Mraz

Yeah…
Met on the dance floor in the old high school gym
He fell like a rock, she kinda liked him
And his heart beat like thunder, as they moved 'cross the floor,
When the music was over, she slipped out the door

Yeah a man loves a woman, but he can't understand,

Why she's sad when she stares, at the ring on her hand.
She sits in some club, where the long shadows fall
Drops a coin in the jukebox, not the phone on the wall.

So close, yet so far away.

So close, yet so far away.
We believe in tomorrow, and our better way.
And then we lie… down to sleep
So close… yet so far away.

Oh, there's a restless look in your eye tonight.

There's a secret hurt in my heart
And the dream that pulls us together girl,
Is a dream… is a dream, that keeps us
So close, yet so far away.

Some people will find, if you really believe,
That's what you need, solve all the mysteries.
Oh I know someone, who just heads for the sun,
‘Cause she says: "I don't wanna be wise, I just wanna stay young."

So close, yet so far away.

So close, yet so far away.
We believe in tomorrow, maybe more than today.
And then we lie… down to sleep
So close… yet so far away.

Oh, there's a restless look in your eye tonight.
There's a secret hurt in my heart
And the dream that pulls us together girl,
Is a dream, that's gonna tear us, tear us apart.

There's a restless look in your eye tonight.
There's a secret hurt in my heart (so close)
And the dream that pulls us together girl,
Is a dream, that pulls us
So close, ooohhh…

There's a restless look in your eye tonight.
There's a secret hurt in my heart (so close)
And the dream that pulls us together girl,
Is a dream… that pulls us
So close.

So close…
Yet so far away.

I'm Still Here - Vertical Horizon

"I'M STILL HERE" by Vertical Horizon

I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll just hold on while you drift away

'Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow, the rivers flow
Where you are, I never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong,
Why are you the one who's gone?
And I'm still here
Still here...

I've seen the ashes in my heart
I smile the widest when I cry inside and my insides blow apart
I try to wear another face
Just to make you proud
Just to make you put me in my place

But everything you wanted from me
Is everything that I could never be

The cities grow, the rivers flow
Where you are, I never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong,
Why are you the one who's gone?
And I'm still here

Maybe tonight it's gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today it's gonna be okay
I will remember

I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered
And I wanted you to come and make me whole
Then I saw you yesterday
But you didn't notice
And you just walked away

'Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow, the rivers flow
Where you are, I never know
But I'm still here (I'm still here)
If you were right and I was wrong,
Why are you the one who's gone?
And I'm still here

The lights go out, the bridges burn
Once you go you can't return
But I'm still here (Oh, I'm still here)
Remember how you used to say,
I'd be the one to run away?
But I'm still here!

I'm still here

Still here...

PICK UP THE PIECES

Erratically we are of glass, brittle: breakable.

On occasion we may be clear, at that we can bend light to reveal a full spectrum.

At times we may take tints and be decorative, playful to the eyes as can be.
Every now and then we may be accidentally struck.

As soon as we are, we pick up the pieces of what once was. The shards, even minute splinters, cut us. Like most broken things, we try our best to glue it all back together but it will never be the same again. The cracks are permanent and there are bits missing, lost as shrapnel when the shattering occurred. We do this over and over, albeit not really conscious sometimes, and we are left battered.

But time and again, we will endure…

Until we get it right.

When each fragment is at its smallest, we are melted down and molded yet again.  

To begin anew. To become once more.

We correlate the repetitive process to “practice”.

Because similarly, it is in practice that we obtain dexterity; and it is in practice that we “make perfect”.