I DON'T WANT IT TO AFFECT ME ANYMORE

We will remain essentially isolated from each other. Now more than ever. Oh, well. It’s alright… So be it. We’ve been dodging each other for some time now anyway. I don’t want it to affect me anymore. I’m tired of hiding; I’m not “running” during “surprise instances” any longer. IF it’s inevitable that we collide, we will collide. But whatever I can prevent beforehand, I will do so. Excuse me if it may look like I turn my back on you in the future. It may be for the best.

There is that very slight possibility that you’ve been here, out of curiosity maybe. This is my psychological outlet. A place where I can relieve stress from thinking about the few remaining things I can possibly have in my life right now. If in case what I keep putting here affects you in a bad way, then don’t come back. Why bother in the first place? Although I just want to emphasize that it was never my intention to hurt anyone else. I am the only one really hurt here.

I express things in social media as vague as I can make them, but this here is my own space. Let it be. I put things down into writing to release the pressure inside my head, because it’s starting to push me to burn bridges, and I don’t want that. I don’t drop names, so let “passersby” take a hint or figure out all they want. Nobody cares about this place anyway.

I hope this doesn’t sound too “domineering” for you, because at times it seems that you only take orders from God Himself. That’s an exaggeration of course. I think you get what I mean. See? I can be harsh and cynical, too. Before I go, consider this advice: I want you to take a look at yourself. Make sure the way you look better outside reflects how it also is on the inside. I think in a way, this is still a compliment for you. I’m not judging you, but you’ve changed. Especially towards me. Maybe you just didn’t notice your vocal hostility/sarcasm to me just recently. I am upset because you were rude to me. Like you have never been before. We are happy that you’re doing better and better, BUT don’t let your success eat you. Maybe you don’t notice how you treat others anymore, especially to a friend-turned-“suitor” like me.

I avoid being confrontational even though I naturally am.

I make it a point that we don’t cross paths intentionally anymore; AND I WILL, ESPECIALLY NOW. I don’t want to be an “uninvited guest” in anything, not even in a conversation.

I learned to shut up when we have nothing to talk about, to the point of being aloof.

Believe me, I don’t make efforts acquiring any of your contact details to prevent further complications. Our friends know this.

I don’t try to “add” you as a friend or “follow” you on social media… because you said it yourself: “it’s uncomfortable”. And it’s not possible in some of your accounts, anyway.

All these for (your) peace of mind.

And for these I may have been branded a villain. Maybe I really am one already.

So I say this again: I hope you're happy now. BE HAPPIER.