When I was chatting with
close friends just recently, THAT special event came up. Well, it was indeed
the indirect topic anyway. As the conversation progressed, I happened to disclose
this out of nowhere:
“I
have proven to myself that travelling is not for me (I’m just a homebody). But
who knows? It’s just that there are many more priorities in my life
right now. I feel that I would be
‘selfish’ and ‘unfair’ to my family if I go to Brazil, South America, even
without them knowing. There are many things they want in life that I still
can’t provide yet.” –
Perhaps a dominating reason why some things are “forbidden” to me as of this
moment (or permanently).
…And what if by some good fortune
I’m able to achieve that trip but they eventually found out? Needless to say, the
gap would further widen. Yet another reason for my other relatives to hate me all the more. The first objective is to
give them “enough” so that my other personal wants would be later acceptable;
that I would finally earn the right to spend on myself without feeling guilty.
I’m really impressed with those who are able to go there without having
the disposable income and despite being breadwinners. The stay isn’t
permanent anyway, at least not for the majority. Not for leisure or monetary
gain, but more of a spiritual “pilgrimage”; being there for the experience
itself. Very, very impressive for me. Faith, Mercy and Grace, Prayers along
with early booking, a savings account and/or
good contacts where to get loans from are crucial factors. :-D Realistically speaking, there will
always be that material aspect of a #lifegoal
coming to fruition. J
I’m neither explaining
myself to anyone nor justifying my “inability”. I just know the truth and want
to express it. Whut?! HAHAHA!!! I’m
not envious, either. Well… just a little bit. :-P
Two friends are going. I’m
very happy for them. May the Mercy and Guidance of the Lord be with them.
As for me…. I’m grateful
for what I have and will have, and I’m happy I feel that way. If it happens, it
happens.
Maybe someday.
(But “maybe” remains to be
an elusive possibility and “someday” seems so far away…)
*And IF you might think,
“The person who wrote this seems to be a total loser.” Well, guess what? You’re
an even bigger loser for reading it this far! HAHAHAHA!!!!
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