(Why Can't We) Stay Like This Forever

I was channel surfing last night just before sleeping when I stumbled upon an Indonesian film ("Love Reborn") playing this song over and over as background music. I got curious because the tune reminded me of the feeling from a happy morning almost a week ago. Listening closely, I can relate to the light-hearted lyrics. New LSS. <3

We dream of reciprocity. Simple joys.

AN LSS FROM A FAVORITE GENRE

I simply love the science fiction genre, specifically outer space suspense/horror and post-apocalyptic scenarios. My favorite movies of this genre: The “Alien” saga— very entertaining from the very beginning, prequels are superb; “Europa Report”— interesting ‘found footage’ format; “Cloverfield” saga— weird but okay; “Life”— very good but very disturbing; “Sunshine” and “Pandorum” are way up in my list for story, acting and visual effects.

And then there are short films. The Netflix animated “series” Love, Death + Robots is definitely not family-friendly. The way each stand-alone “episode” is done is very unconventional because of the foul language, intense violence and uncensored nudity/sex. “Beyond The Aquila Rift” instantly became my favorite. The plot is quite similar to an old episode of Twilight Zone’s “Monsters” back in the late 80s. The end is truly terrifying. This song is part of the series soundtrack: the main theme of that particular episode. The tune has been recurring in my mind ever since I heard it as background music for the show. A new LSS.

(I DO NOT OWN THE VIDEO)

‘LIVING IN THE SHADOWS’ by Matthew Perryman Jones

Smoke is clearing out, all the circling lights... blind me
I've been running out, now it's all just a fight... to breathe
I gave it all… yeah, I gave everything

I will never break the silence
When I look inside, I don't have to hide
If you're looking, you won't find it
Who's the enemy?
Don't know what to believe

Living in the shadows
Living in the shadows

Light is breaking through the dark that is underneath
I know the truth, but for you it's just out of reach
You took it all… yeah, you took everything

I will never break the silence
When I look inside, I don't have to hide
If you're looking, you won't find it
Who's the enemy?
Don't know what to believe

Living in the shadows
Living in the shadows
(Shadows, shadows)

I will never break the silence
Who's the enemy?
Don't know what to believe

Living in the shadows
Living in the shadows
Living in the shadows

Living in the shadows

Living in the shadows…

'Thank you' for failing me...

(from Typewriters Voice)

Life is neither perfect, nor convenient.

Misled myself for far too long! I’m learning to accept that mistake now. Still mending wounds, though... I tell you, things could have been worse.

Am currently deconstructing where I went wrong, optimistically to correct at the soonest, but taking my time anyway. HAHAHA!!!

Realized there are things we can live without, or deter at the moment.

Certain people may not be comfortable around me anymore; I’m slowly learning to live with that, too.

At the very least, I’ve been true to myself. Able to have said what I always wanted to say in the distant past, whether they believed it or not— tried again and again, even just in words: actions halted every time; expressed (although somewhat hidden) regret/frustration/sadness/loneliness/even anger, for the “failure” itself. Now hopefully starting to recover for good.

All things considered, (surprisingly,) I’m somehow quite happy. And somehow… at peace.

How?

How does one let go
after holding on 
for so long,
when apparently there was nothing
from the very beginning...?

HAHAHA!!! Sounds too cheesy and corny!
How can one let go, if there was nothing to hold on to in the first place?!

The Amazing Spiderman - "Without You" by Breaking Benjamin

My current LSS for seven days now. This day last week, this was the only song in my playlist. It's crazy.

The Amazing Spider-Man is one of my favorite Spider-Man movies. Andrew Garfield's version of the webslinger is the darkest among the latest three (Tobey Maguire and Tom Holland) and I feel it's the most dramatic. Really heavy. I think this song suits the movie. I don't know if it's included in the original soundtrack, though.



"WITHOUT YOU" by Breaking Benjamin

Search for the answers I knew all along
I lost myself
We all fall down
Never the wiser of what I've become
Alone I stand
A broken man

All I have is one last chance
I won't turn my back on you
Take my hand
Drag me down
If you fall, then I will too
And I can't save what's left of you

Sing something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you
There's nothing left to lose
The fight never ends
I can't face the dark without you

Swallow me under and pull me apart
I understand there's nothing left
Pain so familiar and close to the heart
No more no less, I won't forget
Come back down, save yourself
I can't find my way to you
And I can't bear to face the truth

Sing something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you
There's nothing left to lose
The fight never ends
I can't face the dark without you

I wanted to forgive
I'm trying to forget
Don't leave me here again
I am with you forever... the end!

Sing something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you
There's nothing left to lose
The fight never ends
I can't face the dark without you

Holding the hand that holds me down,
I forgive you... forget you... the end!

Holding the hand that holds me down...

I forgive you,

Forget you,

The end!

Dido - Thank You (Acoustic)

Thank You for giving me one of the best lessons in life...

Pantera - I'm Broken (Official Video)

STOP Saying "I Love You"

I'll try to be... a BETTER MAN.

Westlife, welcome to Manila!

(I do not own the video)

Stone Temple Pilots - Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart

Current LSS.


This is one of those tunes where, upon reading the lyrics, will make you say: "What the hell is this song all about anyway?" HAHAHAHA!!!! Non-relatable simply because the content is confusing. These are the words people will come up with when they're high. HAHAHAHA!!!! Well... I guess I feel the title. Kasi #angrupok nung sa akin! HAHAHA!!! </3

Black Lab - Keep Myself Awake

Also one of my most favorite songs.

I can't sleep right. For three days now. Something's wrong again.

I hate it when I'm so tired but can't sleep. Only finally getting drowsy and dozing off just two hours, or one, from waking up to start another day. Sometimes even just a few minutes away! Zombie mode in the office wanting to go home, but suffering the vicious cycle again anyway. I feel so weak. It's crazy!



"KEEP MYSELF AWAKE" by Black Lab

I hate to talk like this,
I hate to act as if
There's something wrong that I can't say.

I have this dream at night,
For almost every night,
I've been dreaming it forever,
It's easy to remember that

It's always cold, it's always day.
You're always here, you always say,
"I'm alright, I'll be okay, 
If I can keep myself awake."
(Keep myself awake)

I get up early, I
Look around me, 
Can't help but wonder what you mean.

'Cause when I'm sleeping, I'm
So deep and it's so much more real to me,
Closer than reality.

It's always cold, it's always day.
You're always here, you always say,
"I'm alright, I'll be okay, 
If I can keep myself awake."
(Keep myself awake) Keep myself awake
(Keep myself awake) 

I get up early, I
Look around me, I'm
Buying coffee by the pound.

When I'm sleeping, I'm
So deep and I...
I can't keep myself awake.


(Keep myself awake)
(Keep myself awake) Keep myself awake
(Keep myself awake)
(Keep myself awake)
(Keep myself awake)

(Keep myself awake)

The Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm (Alternate Music Video)

One of my most favorite songs.

(I do not own the video.)

"DISARM" by The Smashing Pumpkins

Disarm you with a smile

Cut you like you want me to

Cut that little child

Inside of me and such a part of you

Ooohh, the years burn

Ooohh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my choice

What's a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

Disarm you with a smile

And leave you like they left me here

To wither in denial

The bitterness of one who's left alone

Ooohh, the years burn

Ooohh, the years burn, burn, burn

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my voice

What's a boy supposed to do?

The killer in me is the killer in you

My love

I send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you

The killer in me is the killer in you

Send this smile over to you...

Papa Roach - Carry Me (acoustic)

These lyrics made me teary-eyed. Like a mirror, I saw myself.



#angrupok 

HAHAHA!!!

Our Lady Peace - Not Enough (Audio)

After more than twenty years, it's only now that I feel the heavy sadness of this song...



"NOT ENOUGH" by Our Lady Peace

There's nothing you can say Nothing you can do There's nothing in between You know the truth Nothing left to face There's nothing left to lose Nothing takes your place... When they say, you're not that strong You're not that weak It's not your fault And when you climb Up to your hill Up to your place I hope you're well There's nothing left to prove There's nothing I won't do There's nothing like the pain I feel for you Nothing left to hide Nothing left to fear I am always here... When they say, you're not that strong You're not that weak It's not your fault And when you climb Up to your hill
Up to your place I hope you're well What you want What you lost What you had What is gone is over What you got What you love What you need What you have is real It's not enough, It's not enough, It's not enough, It's not enough, I'm sorry! It's not enough, It's not enough,
It's not enough, It's not enough!!
When they say, you're not that strong You're not that weak It's not your fault And when you climb Up to your hill Up to your place I hope you're well... It's not enough! No, it's not enough! It's not enough...

"Getting Over You"

Can it be technically considered “getting over” someone if there was no actual relationship in the first place? Even for something like a “friendzone” gone sour? I don’t really understand how people nowadays define the dynamics of a relationship, the “lack” or the absence thereof, because I was never good at it. Ever.

Nobody is a solid fan of only one music genre. I admit… I like mainstream pop – a lot! I just happen to like rock more often. In this case, I think it’s “synth pop”; Lauv kinda sounds like LANY, musically. Yet again, an LSS is sinking in. Aside from youtube browsing, my biological sister remains to be one of the greatest influencers of music in my life. What I hear from her laptop computer takes me places. She loves this singer! I’m a caveman in the current music scene!! Hahaha…

*I know all that needed to be said may have already been said. I just don’t know what to do. I’m quite concerned of how you would react if I insisted to talk with you privately. Or maybe you won’t react at all?! Why would you even want to speak with me? But something tells me it’s no longer necessary. I applaud your strength for breaking the silence between us and for confronting me head-on. You handled yourself well. Although some parts were childish and silly, I still think you're an amazing woman.

(I do not own the video)

“GETTING OVER YOU” by Lauv

Running from the morning

Think I hit a wall

Late nights, not you

Running from the moment

So I don't recall

Late nights, not you

Waking up in a cold sweat

Someone else in this cold bed

I'd do anything to not be a-lone

All alone with the ceiling

All alone with this feeling

And I wonder if I'll ever let go

I tried spending my nights under

Some-one new

But the truth is

I could spend my whole life getting over you

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Drowning in my coffee,

Wash the alcohol

Out my bloodstream

Sitting here I wonder

If we hadn't been at all,

Who would I be?

Waking up in a cold sweat

Someone else in this cold bed

And I wonder if I'll ever let go, oohh, oh-oh

I tried spending

My nights under

Some-one new

But the truth is

I could spend my whole life getting over you (getting over you)

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you (oohh, oh-oh)

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

Getting over you

I tried spending

My nights under

Some-one new

But the truth is

I could spend my whole life getting o-ver you

Getting over you,

Getting over you,

Getting over you,

Getting over you….

Guano Apes - Living In A Lie (2000)

A band from a country where our family can trace back our paternal lineage to... Portugal! (But so what? Who cares, anyway?)



"LIVING IN A LIE" by Guano Apes

Don’t give me names 
I’ve got it all, you took it all away 
Drove me insane 
Who’d come down to earth, releasing me 
Healing my wounds 
Why don’t you close the door when you’re leaving me?
Now you run 
Running all the way back to me again

I’m here to end the game (I’m here to end the game)
I’m living in a lie 
It’s hard to give the same 
I won’t be on your side
Won't be on your side

I love you a lot
Do need you a lot
I’ll leave you alone

I love you a lot
Do need you a lot
I’ll leave you alone

I'm-a live
I'm-a living in a lie
I'm-a live
I'm-a living in a lie
Ooohhh... Ooohhh
I'm-a live
I'm-a living in a lie
I'm-a live
I'm-a living in a lie
Ooohhh... Ooohhh

I’m here to end the game (I’m here to end the game)
I’m living in a lie 
It’s hard to give the same 
I won’t be on your side
Won't be on your side

I love you a lot
Do need you a lot
I’ll leave you alone

I love you a lot
Do need you a lot
I’ll leave you alone, yeah

I love you a lot
(Yyyyeeeeaaaahhhh)
Do need you a lot
(Yyyyeeeeaaaahhhh)

I love you a lot
Do need you a lot

I love you a lot
Do need you a lot...

BETTER IN TIME (cover by Boyce Avenue)

A ten year old cover of a younger Boyce Avenue.

(I do not own the video)

"BETTER IN TIME" originally performed by Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you

I didn't know where to turn to

See, somehow I can't forget you

After all that we've been through

Going, coming

I thought I heard a knock,

"Who's there?" No one.

Thinking that I deserved it

Now I realize that I really didn't know

You didn't notice, you mean everything

Quickly I'm learning... to love again

All I know is, Im'ma be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals, too (oh ooh)

It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to (oh ooh)

It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV

Without something there to remind me

Was it all that easy

To just put aside your feelings?

If I'm dreaming

Don't wanna let it hurt my feelings

But that's the past I'll be leaving

And I know that time will heal it

If you didn't notice, you girl, mean everything

Quickly I'm learning, ooh to love again

All I know is, Im'ma be okay

I thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals, too (oh ooh)

It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to (oh ooh)

It'll all get better in time

Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals, too (oh ooh)

It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to (oh ooh)

It'll all get better in time

In time,

It'll all get better in time

It'll all get better in time...

Rage Against The Machine - Guerilla Radio

The Sound Of Silence (Simon & Garfunkel Live at Madison Square Garden)

Haunting.

(I do not own the video)

MIKA - Happy Ending

"HAPPY ENDING" by Mika

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

I wake up in the morning
Stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen
I guess I wish you well
Mmm a little bit of heaven
But a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story (ooohh)
That I have ever told (ooohh)
No hope or love or glory
Happy ending's gone forever more

I.... feel as if I'm wasted
And I've.... wasted everyday

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our life
But not together

Two o'clock in the mornin'
Something's on my mind
Can't get no rest
Keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothing ever went wrong
I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story (ooohh)
That I have ever told (ooohh)
No hope or love or glory
Happy ending's gone forever more

I.... feel as if I'm wasted
And I've.... wasted everyday

This is the way you left me (oh, I.... feel as if I'm wasted)
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we love (and I've.... wasted everyday)
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our life
But not together

Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love (Oooohhhh....)
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love (I.... feel as if I'm wasted)
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love
Little bit of love (Hey, hey, hey, hey!)
Little bit of love
Little bit of love

This is the way you left me (little bit of love)
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we love (little bit of love)
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our life
But not together

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

Smashing Pumpkins - Landslide (lyrics) _ Fleetwood Mac cover

By far, I think this is one of the best covers of this song. Ever. Superb plucking by James Iha! Another good version is from my favorite 90s ginger singer, Tori Amos. Very haunting but still very beautiful. Like a good person, you can't put a good song down. Nice one, Stevie Nicks! <3

Something That I Call A "Psychological Withdrawal"

I didn’t intend posting this at first, but I think it can help me cope with the acceptance. For me, this is still a sort of therapy. It’s generally not easy cutting off the feelings a person had for someone for so long. This will take time to fade away. After three weeks of initially trying to forget, here it was again.

A similar little occurrence happened four months ago. A bit different this time, but somehow connected to that one.

You posted a looong blog entry publicly. I might have been tagged by someone. You announced a major event in it, I wasn’t sure what it was because I skipped some paragraphs. You clarified some things that might have been misinterpreted by some people (which I thought was indirectly implicating me). You posted a picture; and alas, it was your fiancé…. you finally “introduced him to everyone”. My exact opposite. Based on the photo, he was tall and skinny. He appeared handsome, but looked way older than me (my mind’s eye must have been biased about his age). And the color was “sepia”, maybe for dramatic purposes.

I gradually realized what the fuss was all about. I suddenly wanted to smash my laptop computer right then and there. Just thinking about it “killed” me.

Jealous and shocked, I woke up having the desire to verify if any of it was real, I only forgot I’m now totally blocked on all social media platforms already. It’s an actual probability in the real world, after all, so I don’t have to see the post itself anymore, even if it was possible to check.

I have to prepare myself in all aspects for this eventuality. Because it may very well be inevitable, sooner or later.

If we ever fall, the universe simply needs more than just “love”.

Above & Beyond acoustic - 'SUN & MOON' (live from Porchester Hall)

(I DO NOT OWN THE VIDEO)

"SUN & MOON" (live from Porchester Hall) by Above & Beyond acoustic

It's raining, it's pouring, a black sky is falling,
It's cold tonight.
You gave me your answer, "goodbye", now I'm all on my own tonight.
But when the big wheel starts to spin, you can never know the odds
If you don't play, you'll never win.
We were in heaven you and I.
When I lay with you and close my eyes, our fingers touch the sky.

I'm sorry baby, you were the sun and moon to me.
I'll never get over you, you'll never get over me.
I'm sorry baby, you were the sun and moon to me.
I'll never get over you, you'll never get over me.

Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh...
Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh...

You held back and lost out, you gave in to each doubt
And walked away.
A final embrace, you won't turn, I won't chase
Nothing more to say

But when the big wheel starts to spin, you can never know the odds
If you don't play, you'll never win.
We were in heaven you and I.
When I lay with you and close my eyes, our fingers touch the sky.

I'm sorry baby, you were the sun and moon to me.
I'll never get over you, you'll never get over me.
I'm sorry baby, you were the sun and moon to me.
I'll never get over you, you'll never get over me.

Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh...
Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh... Wooaaahh...

HAPPY?

"HAPPY?" by Mudvayne

In this hole.... that is me
The dead are rolling over
In this hole.... thickening
Dirt shoveled over shoulders....

I feel it in me, so overwhelmed
Oh, this pressured center rising
My life overturned, unfair the despair
All these Scars keep ripping open!

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?!

Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?!

In this hole.... that is me
A life that's growing feeble
In this hole.... so limiting
The sun has set, all darkens....

Buried underneath
Hands slip off the wheel
Internal pathway to contention!

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?!

Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?!

HAPPY!!
HAPPY!!
Are you feeling happy?!

In this hole.... that is me
Left with a heart exhausted
What's my release? What sets me free?
Do you pull me up just to push me down again?

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?!

Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?!

Peel me from the skin
(Peel me from the skin)
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?!

Tear meat from the bone
(Tear meat from the bone)
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now....?!

Does it make you happy?!
Are you feeling happy?!
Are you f*cking happy
Now that I'm lost, left with nothing?!

Does it make you happy?!
Are you feeling happy?!
Are you f*cking happy
Now that I'm lost, left with nothing??!!