Something That I Call A "Psychological Withdrawal"

I didn’t intend posting this at first, but I think it can help me cope with the acceptance. For me, this is still a sort of therapy. It’s generally not easy cutting off the feelings a person had for someone for so long. This will take time to fade away. After three weeks of initially trying to forget, here it was again.

A similar little occurrence happened four months ago. A bit different this time, but somehow connected to that one.

You posted a looong blog entry publicly. I might have been tagged by someone. You announced a major event in it, I wasn’t sure what it was because I skipped some paragraphs. You clarified some things that might have been misinterpreted by some people (which I thought was indirectly implicating me). You posted a picture; and alas, it was your fiancé…. you finally “introduced him to everyone”. My exact opposite. Based on the photo, he was tall and skinny. He appeared handsome, but looked way older than me (my mind’s eye must have been biased about his age). And the color was “sepia”, maybe for dramatic purposes.

I gradually realized what the fuss was all about. I suddenly wanted to smash my laptop computer right then and there. Just thinking about it “killed” me.

Jealous and shocked, I woke up having the desire to verify if any of it was real, I only forgot I’m now totally blocked on all social media platforms already. It’s an actual probability in the real world, after all, so I don’t have to see the post itself anymore, even if it was possible to check.

I have to prepare myself in all aspects for this eventuality. Because it may very well be inevitable, sooner or later.

If we ever fall, the universe simply needs more than just “love”.