Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise

After a hard day's work... uh, make that a bad day's work, I wish I could have someone to talk to. That would be pretty amazing! I got low today. Not only at work. This tune is sad but beautiful; one of my most favorite songs ever. And yes, that's "Mayonaise" with a single "n".

It's that time again when I just want to scream and get away from it all. I have to take more of THAT anti-depressant, otherwise known as Prayer.



"MAYONAISE" by Smashing Pumpkins

Fool enough to almost be it,
Cool enough to not quite see it...
Doomed.
Pick your pocket full of sorrow,
Run away with me tomorrow...
June.

Try and ease the pain
Somehow, feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go

I send a heart to all my dearies,
When your love is so, so dreary...
Dream.
I'll run into the straight and narrow,
While the harlots of my perils...
Scream.

And I fail...
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
The way I can, I will


Mother weep the years I'm missing
All our time can't be given
Back.
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
Cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling

So bad...
When I can, I will
Words defy the plans
But When I can, I will

Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, I'll always feel this

No more promise, no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me?
I just want to be... me.
When I can, I will
Try to understand
The way I can, 
I will...

"...strangely something so beautiful yet so far away."

Let me lay it down outright: I DON’T WANT TO PUT THE LYRICS HERE BECAUSE THE CONTENT IS NOT RELATABLE TO ME AT ALL. I only happened to stumble upon this video in my youtube account’s “Recommended for you” features. And now the LSS is sinking in. (What?! Hahahaha….)

I don’t know who these guys are. (Or is it just one guy?) As far as I’m concerned, they did a good job of putting a “Xennial”* like me to a trance with this particular track. Maybe I’m just tired. (Trying hard to be younger? HAHAHAHA!!!! Okay… I belong more to Generation-X.)

*

_{(I don’t even know if this 2018 definition is ‘official’)}

The “synth-beat” resonance and overall look of the video (wardrobe, car/s, setting) is like a combined Beverly Hills 90210/Melrose Place meets Baywatch first run kind of vibe. A clean empty beachfront is so magical. Hahahaha.… So early 90s feels! Did I say it right? Or does it matter? For me, the effect of their sound is a bit similar to what Toto does to my mind generally when I listen to them. Light and cool to the ears; strangely something so beautiful yet so far away. Music indeed is incredibly powerful. Sometimes it’s not the lines, stanzas and the accompaniment themselves that get you, it’s the way they make you feel.

Although it’s already a very long time ago, I miss high school. The carefree feeling of just living a simple young life, soaking it all up, and reacting immaturely to almost every other thing.

There’s a part of me that never outgrew it, believe it or not. So nostalgic and so happy— even though there were instances that I got bullied, succumbed to accidents, caught people’s attention for the wrong reasons and faced humiliation more times than I realized. I tried to inject humor at every chance I could. I wish I could have been more creative in some of the awkward situations, where I was totally unaware. But none of those make a difference anymore. Only the memories matter. Sentimental idiot here. HAHAHAHA!!!!

I’ve got to move forward in my life right now. It’s so overdue! Or am I missing something else altogether? Hhhmmm…

My brain is telling me, “WTF am I listening to?! Screw it! We like what we like.” HAHAHAHA!!!! >_<

LANY – Thick And Thin

(I do not own the video)