'WITHOUT YOU' (X JAPAN MODE AKO NGAYON)

(I do not own the video)

X Japan mode ako ngayon, so walang basagan ng trip. [Well, one of the reasons why I actually maintain this blog is to be able to continue expressing myself without anyone doing the “basag-trip” to me. Hahaha! Aside from the fact that a significant part of the contents here are not intended for mass consumption (and by that I mean full exposure to social media), nobody wants to read them anyway, so why am I explaining myself?! HAHAHA!!!] So here I go again with my psychologically therapeutic, occasional “Pandora’s Box”…

A returning LSS: (X Japan’s) Toshi Deyama reminds me so much of (Sugarfree’s) Ebe Dancel – a bit in looks and a bit in vocal prowess. They’re both very talented and brilliant. Magaling talaga. Yoshiki Hayashi on the other hand reminds me of a college classmate with a striking resemblance, who coincidentally now lives in Japan as a professional photographer!

The acoustics of the venue is amazing. The audience is very quiet, perhaps savoring the live unplugged, sad but sweet-sounding “lullaby-ish” performance. It would have been perfect if not for someone snorting and some faint coughing.

"WITHOUT YOU" by X JAPAN (Toshi & Yoshiki acoustic version)

歩き疲れた 夜にたたずむ

Aruki tsukareta yoru ni tatazumu
流れる涙を記憶に重ねて

Nagareru namida wo kioku ni kasanete
出会いの数だけ 別れはあるけど

Deai no kazu dake wakare wa arukedo
限りない時が続くと信じてた

Kagirinai toki ga tsuzuku to shinjiteta

傷つけ合った言葉さえ 今は抱きしめ

Kizutsuke atta kotoba sae ima wa dakishime
振り返るだけ

Furikaeru dake

I feel alone…

How, how should I love you?
How could I feel you…
Without you?

数え切れない思い出が時間を 埋めつくす
Kazoekire nai omoide ga jikan wo umetsukusu

同じ時代に生まれて出会った

Onaji jidai ni umarete deatta
それぞれの愛を 確かめるために

Sorezore no ai wo tashikameru tame ni

I still remember…

答えのない明日に

Kotae no nai ashita ni

夢を求めていた日々を

Yume wo motomete ita hibi wo

How, how should I love you?
How could I feel you…
Without you?

終わりのない愛の詩を 今貴方に

Owari no nai ai no uta wo ima anata ni

'ENDLESS RAIN'

“Endless Rain” is one of my favorite songs from the band X Japan, along with “Longing”, “Say Anything” and “Without You”. This emotional live music video was recorded right before the breakup of the group. It was their last concert date entitled, "The Last Live". You may notice that the band members each had their moments, weeping. The audience sang along, also in a capella, towards the end of the tune. X Japan has done this a few times in the past, as a rest for accompaniment, playing a sober ballad to wrap up a night of music. But the audience kept on singing even after the band had finished performing and had already left the stage one by one, and even further after this particular video itself was cut.

In the full concert video, they had to start playing the intro of the next song to make them stop. It was as if they wanted their music to keep on playing, even without them together. With this kind of symbolic farewell from the fans, it was either some of them were forcing slightly stoic faces / blank expressions on themselves or trying hard not to burst and break down in tears. Yoshiki can be seen sadly bowing to the crowd after he played piano live, as a part of the complete roster of X Japan, one final time. Tragically, soon after the concert tour, their guitarist, Hideto Matsumoto or “Hide” to friends and fans (the one in the flamboyant neon suit and pink hair), died. This was his last live performance as a member of the band.

I don’t know if the Japanese characters would appear in the lyrics below, some software applications have difficulty showing them. But I also inscribed how they sound like, spelled in the English alphabet. As one fan put it: “You don't need to know the language. Music is the universal language.”

“ENDLESS RAIN” by X JAPAN

I'm walking in the rain

行くあてもなく　傷ついた身体濡らし

yuku ate mo naku kizutsuita karada nurashi

絡みつく凍りのざわめき

karamitsuku koori no zawameki

殺しつづけて　彷徨う　いつまでも

koroshi tsuzukete samayou itsu made mo

Until I can forget your love

眠りは麻藥

nemuri wa mayaku tohou ni kureta

途方にくた　心を靜かに溶かす

kokoro o shizuka ni tokasu

舞い上かる　愛を踊らせて

mai agaru ai o odorasete

ふるえる身体を記憶の薔薇いつつむ

furueru karada o kioku no bara-a ni tsutsumu

I keep my love for you to myself

Endless rain, fall on my heart

心の傷に

kokoro no kizu ni

Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

(*Days of joy, days of sadness, slowly pass me by 
As I try to hold you, you are vanishing before me

You're just an illusion

When I awaken, my tears have dried in the sand of sleep

I'm a rose blooming in the desert*)

It's a dream, I'm in love with you

まどろみ抱きしぬて

madoromi dakishimete

Endless rain, fall on my heart

心の傷に

kokoro no kizu ni

Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

I wake from my dream

I can't find my way without you

The dream is over

聲にならない　言葉を繰り返しても

koe ni naranai kotoba o kurikaeshite mo

高すぎる　灰色の壁は

takasugiru hai iro no kabe wasugi satta hi no

過ぎ去った日の思いを夢に寫す

omoi o yume-e ni utsusu

Until I can forget your love

Endless rain, fall on my heart

心の傷に

kokoro no kizu ni

Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

Endless rain, let me stay

evermore in your heart

Let my heart take in your tears, take in your memories

Endless rain, fall on my heart

心の傷に

kokoro no kizu ni

Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness

Endless rain...

CHEW ON SILENCE

A recent conversation with my dentist:

“Sir Jase, your work doesn’t involve much talking, does it?”

“Well sometimes it does. But mostly when I’m alone at the office, I’m just quietly working. HECK, SOMETIMES EVEN WHEN I’M NOT ALONE, I DON’T TALK AT ALL WHEN I AM NOT ADDRESSED. HAHAHA!!! Why do you ask, Doc?”

“Frequent movement of the jaw (NOT NECESSARILY EATING A LOT) helps in the production of more saliva which then contributes to your overall oral health. Conversing regularly or chewing bubble gum replicates this. In chewing bubble gum, some minute leftovers will stick to it, hence lesser bacteria inside your mouth when you spit it out. As long as you rinse with your prescription mouthwash before and after, your teeth will be fine.”

(I thought, “SERIOUSLY? It’s my first time to hear something like that from someone of his profession. It's as if he's encouraging me to chew gum. Oh well, he must know what he’s saying. He’s a dentist, anyway. And he’s always been right for several years now.”)

“OK doc.”

--This has nothing to do with my dental appointment, but I realized that for the past four and a half years, I learned to shut my mouth and just observe more. Partly thanks to ‘failure’ and humiliation, three times over. I choose to be silent in certain company because my mere presence makes them uncomfortable, even if I’m very happy to see them. Less or no talk from me means less suffering for them. Chapped lips are a positive thing for me, after all.

But I really have to say, after months of use, I still find the mouthwash quite expensive Doc. And it still stings. L

IT MAY NOT BE

Sometimes it’s not the cause itself that we’re afraid of, it’s the overall effect. In the same way, it may not be you yourself, but those around you. We want to think that we’re not selfish, but at times we finally want to be. 

And why be "afraid" in the first place?

#hippopotamus!!

May katrabaho ako na nag-describe sa dating boss niya na sinabi, “Grabe, ang taba nun! Babuy na baboy talaga!!” Tapos nung nakita ko yung tinutukoy niya, mas malaki pa pala ako kaysa dun. Nasabi ko lang sa sarili ko, “Eh ano na ako ngayon?!”

#hippopotamus!!         #nyak

BE THANKFUL FOR FRAILTIES

I have frailties, both in and out of the physical.

I have some attributes most people don’t possess; and believe me, they’re not really things to be proud of. They can’t be categorized as “special abilities”, they’re just traits. However unusual some are, I’ve learned to live with them. They are proof that certain things in life aren’t for me.

Flaws don’t define us; they remind us that we are human. We accept imperfection so we can also embrace humility.

…And even under these circumstances, we should always be Thankful nonetheless.

"I'd rather have five years of being in love and just really completely happy than 20 years of not having anybody." 
-Katie Prager