"HAPPIER"

I’m very fond of golden retrievers. They’re one of the cutest, friendliest and most playful dog breeds ever. We had a dog more than twenty years ago whom papa named “Shadow”, because she resembled the golden retriever protagonist (with the same name) in the movie “Homeward Bound”. She was a gift from our cousins, given to us when she was just a few weeks old. She also resembled the puppy, so adorable with a faint cute bark (at the end of the video). She was one of our first dogs. I wasn’t really that excited to have her at first, because I was sure she’ll always make a mess around the house— a constant “added” mess that we had to clean up ourselves every time. She did. But we later didn’t mind because we’ve grown to love her; she made it her routine to amuse us. She even gave us “stolen” kisses; jumping and licking our noses whenever we talked while leaning towards her.

We eventually got three more dogs running around our backyard. We never gave them leashes; the four of them were free to roam around. They never bit anyone and were definitely just pets and noise makers, not guard dogs. A curious bunch. Whenever we opened our gates, Shadow was always the brave one to go out into the neighborhood, sometimes even up to several blocks away, only to return an hour later (or as soon as she got tired) and sit in front of the same gates waiting for attention and re-entry.

When we moved to a smaller residence (an apartment), we gave her away, along with the other three. Now, more than twenty years later, we find ourselves missing our dogs. We just can’t presently adopt because of the space constraints where we currently live in. And our landlord doesn’t permit even lap dogs. I guess we just want the stress relievers and need the “therapy”.

(I DO NOT OWN THE VIDEO)

“HAPPIER” by Marshmello feat. Bastille

Lately, I've been, I've been thinking

I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier

When the morning comes

When we see what we've become

In the cold light of day we're a flame in the wind

Not the fire that we've begun

Every argument, every word we can't take back

'Cause with the all that has happened

I think that we both know the way that the story ends

Then only for a minute

I want to change my mind 'cause

This just don't feel right to me

I wanna raise your spirits

I want to see you smile but

Know that means I'll have to leave

Know that means I'll have to leave

Lately, I've been, I've been thinking

I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier

When the evening falls

And I'm left there with my thoughts

And the image of you being with someone else

Well, that's eating me up inside

But we run our course, we pretend that we're okay

Now if we jump together at least we can swim

Far away from the wreck we made

Then only for a minute

I want to change my mind 'cause

This just don't feel right to me

I wanna raise your spirits

I want to see you smile but

Know that means I'll have to leave

Know that means I'll have to leave

Lately, I've been, I've been thinking

I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier

So I'll go, I'll go

I will go, go, go

So I'll go, I'll go

I will go, go, go

Lately, I've been, I've been thinking

I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier

Even though I might not like this

I think that you'll be happier, I want you to be happier

Then only for a minute (only for a minute)

I want to change my mind 'cause

This just don't feel right to me

I wanna raise your spirits (wanna raise your spirits)

I want to see you smile but

Know that means I'll have to leave

Know that means I'll have to leave

Lately, I've been, I've been thinking

I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier

So I'll go, I'll go

I will go, go, go…

ANG MABISA AT GARANTISADONG PANG-ALIS NG "DEPRESSION"

Hindi man karapat-dapat ang blogsite ko para sa video na ito, nais ko lamang sana ibahagi. Masakit lang talaga ang kalooban ko sa mga nakalipas na araw, naghahalong mga damdamin sa isang bagay na may kutob akong mabibigo rin naman. Marami na akong pinalagpas na pagkakataon dahil sa bagay na iyon, wala rin palang mangyayari sa bandang huli. Siguro nga'y kasalanan ko talaga ang lahat. Pinagsisisihan ko na, ganoon lang talaga ang buhay.

(HINDI KO PAG-AARI ANG VIDEO)

Nakatulong na rin naman sa akin ng ilang beses ang mensahe nito kaya ko binabalik-balikan. Kung mayroon mang napadpad dito sa blogsite kong ito, sana kahit paano makatulong rin sa inyo (KUNG SAKALING APLIKABLE MAN).

I WON'T LIE... Yesterday Was A MAJOR TURN-OFF!!

Yesterday was a MAJOR TURN-OFF!! I’m sure this can be said both ways. I think more people hate me now.

My biggest mistake was posting an item that had two different sides to it. I just saw it from an FB friend’s wall and thought it was funny, so I reposted it without really thinking. The timing was just too suspicious (for those who “know”), adding to my careless leaving of a chat group. Oo na, mali na nga ako. Sabi nga sa Tagalog, “Nagdilim na ang paningin ko, eh”.

HUWAG KASI ASSUMING! Hayz...

Yung isa, “cowboy”, yung isa, “feelingera”. Sorry, I don’t know the direct slang English equivalents.

Anyway, why did you think the latter part of the post was the one more applicable to you? Forgive me. Are you insecure about your looks? DON’T BE! But don’t be too proud of it either. Just have the right confidence. Besides, why would I consider you crap or deem you ugly if I find you attractive? I think you’re beautiful, for almost ten years now. I STILL DO. It doesn’t matter anymore if you would believe that or not. I didn’t believe your “intention” to add me to your friends list in that social media platform, anyway. I'm sorry. I just thought I wanted to have that kind of partner in life. And I think the first part was a more possible ‘you’ (to be a partner maybe to someone else) as well. That would have been my side explanation, aside from the fact that I was just humoring myself because of what “sad” thing happened to me earlier.

I’m finally Waking Up! THANK GOD for that! J

Wasted years waiting to strike at a perfect time? Whatever opportunities in relationships/marital affairs we might think we have, they’re simply nothing without the blessing of the Almighty.

I was itching to get this out of my chest at that time, but it would only prolong the heated exchange. Whether you were conscious about it or not, you were quite aggressive to me. Why confront me on my wall when you can send a private message? I don’t want to use the term “contentious and angry woman"; perhaps “a woman scorned” only. You can be intelligent and strong too without being “pilosopo” and “antipatika”, you know. You’ll never admit that but I could smell it from a mile away. The mere choice of words alone screams sarcasm. And it seemed you were waiting for me to commit multiple mistakes, while “correcting” me in an authoritarian stance. I admit I was about to warn you not to provoke me, because I will be brutal with my words. Fortunately, I was able to control myself when you said sorry.

I love that you humbled yourself in the end. A very, very admirable trait indeed.

IF you haven’t found him yet, I pray that you find the ideal patient husband who will put up with you. Sana lang huwag nang humantong na maging mas "dominante" ka pa sa kanya, in terms of your relationship. Bawal sa atin yan, alam mo yan.

I still want you to be happy, and feel the fulfilment in life you are yearning for.

GOOD GOODBYE (One OK Rock)

Just a sweet-sounding farewell. Almost totally irrelevant except for that one word...

(I do not own anything here)

I'M BROKEN

I remember getting into a van with one of our common friends who I wasn't surprised knew about what situation I'm in (Because I can't use the term "about us"). She said: "MATAAS ANG STANDARD NUN!!" --Sorry if I didn't make the cut! I'm not handsome, not fit, not rich, not a kind person, maybe not even as Faithful as you would want. Super bait, super faithful, rich, handsome & fit ba ang BF mo? Some of our friends even said they think you don't have one. The BF excuse is just for me to stop bugging you.

She even added, "Bossy sya, bossy ka, magwo-work ba yun?" I remember answering: "Kung nagpapasakop sya, magpapakumbaba yun. Aayusin ng Dios ang kailangang maayos, as long as the two of "us" work it out. --Sorry, it seems now that we're not compatible. Apparently, there's no mutual love to begin with!

Pasensya na talaga, pero sa tingin ko iba talaga ang nagagawa ng improvement sa physical appearance. Hindi mo lang napapansin yun, pero nagbago ka. Yumabang ka na. It's good to quote Bible verses, but you're still a bit of a sarcastic bitch, especially to me. Tsk, tsk, tsk... Always when we get to "talk" again. Some women get flattered when they have admirers, but you... you're something else! Or maybe I'm plainly not good enough for you, that's why I get that treatment. Even one of our friends noticed how you deflected me at Army Navy. I loved the memories of that day; now the latter parts are just knives for my skull.

I wonder now why I fell for you in the first place. I looked beyond the facade. You hurt me so many times. I thought it was always just not time yet. I kept hanging on false hope. You broke me.

But then again, I said that "Wala tayong karapatang magalit kung hindi tayo gusto nung taong gusto natin." The fingers will always point back at me. I still struggle with this statement. Umasa ako kasi may naramdaman akong kakaiba sa yo, naramdaman kong mayroon talagang namamagitan sa ating dalawa, na ayaw mo lang aminin. Pero katulad nga ng ipinamukha mo sa akin, MALI NA NGA AKO. The almost ten years that I was attracted to you and admired you are for nothing.

I feel na parang naging unfair ka sa akin. Ang selfish mo, inisip mo lang yung SPBB mo. Pano naman yung SPBB ko? Sobrang sakit nitong ginawa mo sa akin ngayon. Hindi ba wala na tayong communication for 3 years? Nananahimik na ako sa isang tabi. Your timing sucks! Sana last week pa right after THAT Topic... para nagkaron naman ako ng time to digest and adjust to your Nth rejection. You are hostile when it comes to this --you really like shoving it to my face!! Ang sakit talaga... you only make it sound polite on your end. And to think that I dreamt of you last night, only to wake up to your message. Exactly the opposite of what the dream was.

Every time I make my move, you "charge at me full speed and slap me in my face to stop me". THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE EVERY SINGLE TIME! I become dumbfounded and "head back to the drawing board" and figure if it needs to be delayed a little more. Then the vicious process repeats itself all over again.

I hope this all goes away immediately.

Congratulations... you win! Be happier now.

This Sunday was awful! 😭

Rage Against The Machine - Bulls On Parade (Live At Finsbury Park, London 2010)

My Week's Dozen Angry Songs

I love this band. Or at least the songs in their albums during my college years anyway. They have been my playlist for five days now. It’s very seldom that my Last Song Syndrome is not just one song. HAHAHA!!! But I’m not a supporter of communism, socialism, fascism or any of those bullshit activist mentalities. I simply think RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE is bad-ass awesome, as rock “misfits”. At the time of their rise to fame, people found it hard to define their music: rap metal, alternative metal, (new) punk rock. Quite frankly, I never thought I would dig their music at first. It took me a while.

Observe the audience during this opening piece from their 2010 concert in London: the mosh pit jumping in unison with the band and shouting the lyrics; that may very well be a major envy of any up-and-coming rock artist. It is known and accepted that the genre has hardcore fans who can be this obsessed in live performances. Or maybe they were just too ecstatic to see RATM reunited, playing together live again after a few years in hiatus. It’s like an ocean of people splashing high waves. Just imagine how it would have felt near the stage… literally ground-shaking for sure! Some famous bands have to endure water bottles being hurled at them, even shoes, especially in open-air arenas. However it fully transpired, this show kicked ass through and through.

This is one of my most favorite tunes. Tom Morello is a guitar virtuoso when it comes to riffs and effects while Zack Dela Rocha’s voice is as aggressive as ever and full of angst, a blended sound unique to the industry. It’s a shame they’re no longer around, collectively. I think Morello’s playing perfectly complemented Dela Rocha’s vocals. Oh well. L

(I DO NOT OWN THE VIDEO)