THIS IS HOW I COPE

This is how I cope.

I write the unspoken things I want to say rather than shout them out loud, in a venue only “semi-public”. No names, just “satirical punchlines”. To at least express what wants to come out. Because however imaginary, we want to think that there’s an audience who sympathizes with us. Or the addressee listening to us. No one can be hurt when no one really cares about the site. Only the author.

Raw honesty. And release. Therapeutic.

I create playlists. Like a soundtrack of my own life. I sing my heart out when I’m alone. With songs that are relatable at the moment.

As one song title goes, “Boys Cry Tough”.

I like to believe that my mind is “trained” enough, but my locomotor skills now fail me from time to time. I’ve really got to return to my long walks now.

I find it hard to channel my frustrations through physical exertion. That’s why my energy goes somewhere else. I haven’t been sleeping well for two weeks now. I’m not sportive. I’ve stopped working out; I’ve stopped lifting weights. A long time ago. That’s why I’m a lot heavier now, much more than what I’ve ever lifted before.

I face my battles alone. Like I always have. For most things. For most of my life. With the mercy and help of The Almighty. We don’t want to burden our friends when we see them. We avoid talking about what bothers us. Because we know, they have their personal fights to tend to, that they have enough of their own. Like all of us have.

Sadly, I am given a less intimate family than others, quite dysfunctional in many ways. Surely for a reason. And although it can get severely “cold” more than it actually is sometimes, they are exactly what made me somewhat “tougher” than others, initially.

I am “cursed” in love. I always try a shot at it at the worst times, with the wrong women. But I am grateful. I should be. Because there are Higher Powers Who know better, if I am better off without it or at least delayed it for the further future.