Martes, Disyembre 25, 2018

DECEMBER 25, 2018

“I knew you’d come back when I already have someone else waiting for me.” Those were the words I saw on your social media public post.

It looked so vivid that I actually thought it was real when I woke up. I felt you would probably totally block me again; I AM partially blocked in reality, anyway. (Well, actually just partially blocked in 1 account and virtually blocked in all remaining social network accounts.) I know that for a fact. BUT IT IS INDEED YOUR RIGHT TO DO SO. I tried to check and look at what I COULD see, and realized it was just a dream. Or was it?

Yes… after a long time, I dreamt of you again. Exactly on the day I swore I will start forgetting. I should have known that being (one of) the first to greet you would have psychological repercussions!

I’m not sure I understand what it means, or if it ever was meant for me in the first place. But I had a strong feeling: that I’ve been defeated, probably a very long time ago. From the looks of it, maybe things won’t change back to the way they were before. Maybe we’ll keep avoiding each other until one of us settles down. I tried to start communicating with you but I could only go so far as a casual birthday greeting on a message board of our common friends. I know you won’t talk to me privately anymore… besides, why would you need that? I keep thinking the suplada/mataray/antipatika you would answer back at me. Sorry, that’s what you always made me feel ever since my confession. I just don’t want to “dislike” you further for that. Naiinis na talaga ako sa 'yo minsan! And maybe that's a "good" thing.

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